just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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