Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
