I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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