their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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