I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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