I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
