my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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