so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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