there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
