You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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