If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
