I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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