apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
