Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
