wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
