Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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