she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
