Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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