You're completely useless in the revolution.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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