Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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