I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
