I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
