I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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