wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
