the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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