I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
