You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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