the condom got lost in my hair
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
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