I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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