oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
