i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
