I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
