i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
