WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
