I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
