Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
