His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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