One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
