I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
