Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think my fart just growled at me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
