good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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