i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
operation harelip BJ is a go
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
