kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
