Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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