He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
