This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I can't put those talents on a resume
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
