Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
