all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
