I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
