Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
