I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
