i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
