Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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