you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
