Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
