once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
