and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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